Why, how & when to Flirt [w/ subs]



00:00:00 – flirting as a bad name too often it
00:00:03 – seems supreme form of duplicity a sly
00:00:06 – attempt to excite another person and
00:00:09 – derive gratification from their interest
00:00:11 – without any corresponding wish to go to
00:00:13 – bed with them
00:00:14 – it looks like a manipulative promise of
00:00:16 – sexual affection that at the last moment
00:00:18 – leaves its targets confused and
00:00:21 – humiliated in our sadness back home
00:00:23 – alone after the nightclub or the party
00:00:25 – we may rail against the flirt for only
00:00:28 – flirting when it appeared that would be
00:00:30 – so much more but this kind of pattern
00:00:33 – represents only one unedifying and
00:00:36 – regrettable possibility around flirting
00:00:38 – at its best
00:00:40 – flirting can be a vital social process
00:00:42 – the generously lenses reassurance and
00:00:45 – freely redistributes confidence and
00:00:47 – self-esteem the task is not to stop
00:00:50 – flirting but you learn how better to
00:00:53 – practice its most honorable versions
00:00:55 – good flirting is in essence and attempt
00:00:58 – driven by kindness and imaginative
00:01:01 – excitement to inspire another person to
00:01:03 – believe more firmly in their own
00:01:05 – likability psychological as much as
00:01:08 – physical it is a gift offered not in
00:01:11 – order to manipulate but out of a
00:01:12 – pleasure at perceiving what's most
00:01:14 – attractive in another along the way the
00:01:17 – good flirt must carefully convince us of
00:01:19 – three apparently contradictory things
00:01:22 – that they would love to sleep with us
00:01:24 – that they won't sleep with us and that
00:01:28 – the reason why has nothing to do with
00:01:30 – any deficiency on our part good flirting
00:01:34 – exploits with no evil intent and
00:01:36 – important truth about s** but what is
00:01:38 – often most enjoyable about s** is not
00:01:41 – the physical process itself so much is
00:01:43 – the idea of acceptance that underpin the
00:01:46 – Act the notion that another person likes
00:01:49 – us enough to accept us in almost roar
00:01:51 – and vulnerable state and is in our name
00:01:53 – willing to lose control and surrender
00:01:56 – aspects everyday dignity it is this
00:01:58 – concept far more than the depth touching
00:02:01 – of skin that is what contributes the
00:02:03 – dominant share of our pleasure we
00:02:05 – address someone for the first time or
00:02:07 – he'd their request to call them very
00:02:09 – rudest words we know the good flood
00:02:12 – knows this
00:02:13 – and is therefore spared a guilty sense
00:02:14 – that they might not be in a position to
00:02:16 – offer their lovers anything valuable
00:02:18 – their wisely convinced that it is
00:02:21 – eminently possible simply over a dinner
00:02:23 – table in the kitchen at work to give to
00:02:26 – a person just about the most wondrous
00:02:28 – aspect of s** itself simply through the
00:02:31 – medium of language the good flood is an
00:02:34 – expert to in how correctly to frame the
00:02:37 – fact that they won't be s** by a deeply
00:02:40 – entrenched work of the human mind it's
00:02:42 – generally hard for us to hear such news
00:02:44 – without at once reaching one
00:02:46 – overwhelming and crushing conclusion
00:02:48 – it's because the seducer has suddenly
00:02:50 – found as deeply and pervasively
00:02:52 – repulsive the good flood loosens us from
00:02:56 – such punitive narratives they powerfully
00:02:58 – appeal to some of the many genuine
00:03:01 – reasons why two people might not have
00:03:02 – s** that have nothing to do with one
00:03:05 – person finding the other disgusting
00:03:07 – for example because one or both party
00:03:09 – already has a partner because there's an
00:03:11 – excessive age gap gendering
00:03:12 – compatibility an office that would
00:03:14 – disapprove a difficult family situation
00:03:16 – for most simply a lack of time freed
00:03:20 – from the Richard and blunt supposition
00:03:21 – that flirting has to be the prelude to
00:03:24 – actual s** the good flirt can artfully
00:03:27 – imply how different things might have
00:03:29 – been if the world had been more ideally
00:03:31 – arranged and the recipient of the flirt
00:03:33 – can with equal grace sent to the story
00:03:36 – without a need to twist it through
00:03:37 – self-hatred we all stand in need of
00:03:40 – reminders of what's tolerable and
00:03:42 – exciting about us it's a desperate for
00:03:45 – shortening of possibilities to insist
00:03:47 – that such reawakening could only be
00:03:49 – justified by actual intercourse
00:03:51 – understood properly flirting can
00:03:53 – beneficially occur across the largest
00:03:56 – gulps gulps of political belief of
00:03:58 – social economical marital status of
00:04:01 – sexual inclination and with obvious
00:04:03 – caveats of age the 26 year-old corporate
00:04:06 – lawyer and 52 year old man behind the
00:04:08 – counter of the corner shop conflict and
00:04:10 – so may the cleaner and the CEO it's all
00:04:13 – the more moving when they do so because
00:04:15 – it signals our willingness to use the
00:04:17 – imagination to locate what's most
00:04:19 – attractive about another person who lies
00:04:21 – really very far from one's own points of
00:04:23 – reference the question of what if I
00:04:26 – considered some
00:04:26 – anyone sexually i would find charming
00:04:29 – about them is one of the most intimate
00:04:31 – interesting and necessary questions on
00:04:33 – can ask floating matters because of how
00:04:37 – rarely most of us get to experience
00:04:38 – ourselves as desirable we generally
00:04:41 – learn through a rich sequence of rebuffs
00:04:43 – and via intelligent modesty to see
00:04:46 – ourselves as far from ideal
00:04:48 – this picture is not inaccurate but it
00:04:51 – isn't entirely true either
00:04:53 – so the good flirt carries out an
00:04:55 – important psychological mission to
00:04:57 – restore balance to our view of ourselves
00:04:59 – they remind us that for all our failings
00:05:01 – of character and bodily liabilities we
00:05:04 – are in fact in certain ways properly
00:05:06 – appealing and in a better situation than
00:05:08 – the one we find ourselves in a truly
00:05:10 – interesting person to want to spend a
00:05:12 – night with the flirt supplies an
00:05:15 – antidote to a characteristic sickness of
00:05:17 – maturity and excessively negative view
00:05:20 – of ourselves a good flood is doing
00:05:23 – crucially important social work they
00:05:25 – understand that being recognized as
00:05:27 – erratically appealing is hugely
00:05:28 – beneficial and a key to rendering a
00:05:31 – small patient more generous more
00:05:33 – energetic and more content it's a quiet
00:05:35 – tragedy that this widely consequential
00:05:38 – need should so often be expected to pass
00:05:40 – through the desperately narrow gate of
00:05:43 – s** the good flirt is wisely and
00:05:46 – literally trying to give e*****
00:05:48 – endorsement with all the benefits this
00:05:49 – brings a larger opportunity in life
00:05:52 – liberating it from the tiny difficult
00:05:54 – window of opportunity offered by an
00:05:57 – actual requirement to make laugh the
00:05:59 – good flirt is a pioneer in a crucial
00:06:02 – Democratic science they are attempting
00:06:04 – to correctly identify attractiveness in
00:06:07 – a way that will serve the many rather
00:06:09 – than a few we should not only be
00:06:11 – grateful to good flirts we should try to
00:06:14 – become good floods ourselves


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